Chapter 1 of Broken to Bless : Why do I feel like Humpty Dumpty?


      “Why Do I Feel Like Humpty Dumpty?”


       “Divorce is a metaphorical surgery that affects all areas of the individual.”    Virginia Satir




It was a Sunday morning in November. A knock came at the door and I went to answer it. There, standing at the door was a man with an envelope in his hand asking me to sign my name on his clipboard. When I asked what it was for, he replied, “You've been served.” Just four words but in them was the power to change my whole future. As I opened the envelope, I saw that it was a suit for a divorce. My whole life came crashing down around me and I felt broken.


What is it like to experience brokenness? To be broken means to be shattered, to feel as if our entire world has fallen apart. It's to have the wind kicked out of your soul. We feel as if we don't want to raise our heads off our pillow, we feel certain that tears will never stop flowing. It is accompanied by emptiness-a void that cannot be filled, a sorrow that cannot be comforted, a wound where there is no healing.


Divorce is one of those broken experiences and yet it can be a blessing. The words broken, and blessing seem to be exclusive. Yet, I have found that without brokenness, one cannot experience the greatest blessings of God. After brokenness our lives can be the most fruitful and have the most purpose. But this comes only when we confront why God has allowed it to break us.


Before a person can go on with their life after divorce, they need to pick up the pieces of this brokenness. This period often includes deep feelings of denial, despair, disappointment, ideation of revenge, retaliation, rejection, hopelessness and helplessness. There is the injury to the ego, diminished feelings of self-worth, constant nagging questions about what went wrong, and many fears about the future.


When God allows it to break us, He does so with the purpose of putting us back together again- better than before, so we might be whole. God is changing what we desire, far more than He is giving us what we desire. God didn't create us to give us whatever we want, but to bring us to the place where we want to do whatever God wants.


There are things that impede us desiring whatever God wants. For God to bring us to wholeness, He must deal with the areas of our lives that keep us from wholeness. Things like a lack of trust, pride, greed, anger, hatred, bitterness, and fear. These are at the heart of what separates us from the fullness of God's desire for us.


The problem for many of us is that we live by force of habit and by force of our wills. As a result, we see things only on the surface and respond to life. In life there is an ever-flowing undercurrent. All of life flows from the spiritual dimension for the Christian. Our desires, ideas, and emotions are motivated by God's Holy Spirit and flow through the soul for expression through the body. Everything we do in the physical, mental, or emotional realm has a spiritual component to it.


When we regard our own brokenness in the flesh, our natural tendency is to look only on the surface. The natural realm uses the word “break” to describe brokenness at the relational level.


We say that a person's health is “broken” if it exhausts them or have a serious breakdown.

When a couple severs their relationship, we say they “broke up.”

When we suffer financial loss, we say we have “gone broke.”


This view however limits our perspective on brokenness to the physical or emotional realm. When we are in a broken season in our life, such as divorce, the more important questions should be:


What is happening in the spiritual area of my life?

What might God be desiring to do in my relationship with Him?

How might God work in this brokenness to restore me, and remold my relationship with Him?

How might God work in and through this situation or circumstance to bring me to greater wholeness?


These questions bring us back to the purpose of God: a total trust relationship with Him so He might use us as a whole person, strong in spirit and obedient to Him and subject to His leading.


Let me encourage you. This broken experience and journey you now find yourself on will not last forever. If you lean into this experience and take full advantage of what you encounter along the way, you will learn many things about yourself. Don't run from this brokenness for in it you will find God's best. What I found in my own broken experience was that God was changing what I desired, more than He was giving me what I desired. He was bringing my desires in line with His will. Let me ask you a question. Are you willing for God to do anything necessary to bring you to total surrender, so He is free to accomplish all He wants to do for you and all He wants to make of you? The Apostle Paul prayed: “May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” (I Thessalonians 5:23). Learn to trust that God's purpose for you is always wholeness. Wholeness is a matter of harmony: body, soul, and spirit. It is living in such a way that all facets and aspects of our lives are interrelated in a health-giving, sound and resilient way.


Good news. God sees the beginning and the end of our lives. He has a good future designed for us-one you may not experience on this earth.


Take your time on this journey. It could be disastrous if you do not allow yourself time to grow. Old habits are not easily changed. Old desires cling to us despite our efforts to remove them from our hearts and minds. Old patterns of responding die hard. If you move too fast, you'll find someone to cover some of the wounds. The problem is that this brokenness will fester and ooze poison along the way in a new relationship. You will miss the life lessons that God wants to teach you along the way. This is a time for change. Rick Warren states that “God never wasted a hurt. God's goal is not your comfort but your character.”


As with all surgery, the goal is healing and health. It's about learning the necessity of leaning on God to see what He will do about this part of your life. The journey is to come to a point of total brokenness and disappointment, but then realize that a pity party will not change anything. Trials give us opportunities to show the Lord and ourselves that we will be faithful. We can feel sorry for ourselves and ask, “Why me?” or we can grow from our trials, increase our faith in the Lord, and ask, “How can I be faithful amid this trial?” We can let adversity break us down and make us bitter, or we can let it refine us and strengthen us. We can allow adversity to lead us to drift away from the things that matter the most, or we can use it as a stepping-stone to grow closer to things of eternal worth. Healing will only come by having trust in God who claims to be the mighty Physician, Counselor, and Healer.


Healing is a choice. And the only way to get the emotional health you need right now is: face it, embrace it, and give it over to God who wants to make you well and whole. God is in the business of making us more like His Son Jesus Christ. He has a plan for you He began at your birth. In his book Come Before Winter Charles Swindoll says, “Such a love means that the Father has a plan for you that no one else can fulfill. Although His goal of conforming you to Christ's image remains constant, He has custom designed the events, circumstances, and relationships that will lead you into His will. He works in your inner being and in the routine of your life creating a divine original.” God uses everything in our lives to conform us to the image of His Son. Romans 8:28-29 says: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purpose for them. For God knew His people in advance, and He choose them to become like His Son...” (NLT) This Scripture does not teach that God wanted my divorce or your divorce. Instead, when my spouse left the marriage, God chose not to orchestrate circumstances to prevent the divorce. In His love and grace, He knew the lessons I would learn from this experience would mature me and bring me joy. No pain we suffer, no trial we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to develop such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All we suffer and all we endure, when we endure it, builds up our character, purifies our heart, expands our soul, and makes us more tender and charitable, worthier to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education we come here to gain.


God has good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. He will give you a hope and a future, Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE AND HOPE. In those days you will pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you,' says the Lord. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes....” Could that captivity be the feelings and maladaptive behavior you brought to the marriage?


If we want to experience peace on the road to recovery, we need to take our eyes off our own plans and seek to bring them in line with God's plans for our lives. What will happen to us if we insist on maintaining our focus on our own flawed plans? We will become hurt and disillusioned, we will not see God, and it will damage our prayer life. We will not experience that peace and prosperity that God has already provided.





PRACTICAL CHECKLIST


As you face your own surgical path, ask yourself these questions:


Am I suffering because I am still focused upon the crises of the past?

Am I beating myself up and beating up others because I have not let go of the pathway of my own plans?

Am I willing to lean into my brokenness and learn everything that God wants to teach me?


There must be a willingness to grow. We can choose the promises of God and welcome the love and encouragement from people who surround us. But to move on, make a choice to grow. For now, take a deep breath and say; “My love relationship has ended.” Now let yourself cry and grieve for a while. Then, commit to your own personal growth process that will give you a future and a hope.


Read the words to the following songs as a prayer:


MENDED

 

Matthew West

How many times can one heart break?

It was never supposed to be this way

Look in the mirror, but you find someone you never thought

you'd be


Oh, but I can still recognize

The one I love in your tear stained eyes

I know you might not see him now, so lift your eyes to me


When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home


When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended


You see your worst mistake

But I see the price I paid

There's nothing you could ever do, to lose what grace has

won


So hold on, it's not the end

No, this is where love's work begins

I'm making all things new

And I will make a miracle of you


When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home


When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended


I see my child, my beloved

The new creation you’re becoming

You see the scars from when you fell

But I see the stories they will tell


You see worthless, I see priceless

You see pain, but I see purpose

You see unworthy, undeserving

But I see you through eyes of mercy


When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

You're not too far gone

You're one step away from home


When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet, no

When you see wounded, I see mended


Ooh, I see mended

Whoa, oh I see mended

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended